The Looking Glass Self
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wonder if people view you the same way you view yourself? If so, would the way they view you be negative or positive? If you’re anything like me, you look in the mirror and point out all of your flaws. Now, depending on who you surround yourself with, the way you’re viewed could be drastically different from me. But if you surround yourself with a great group of friends who encourage you and accept you for who you are, sometimes you realize that your flaws are not as noticeable as you think. This is what we call, the looking glass self theory.
The looking glass self is a common theory used in interpersonal communication. The concept of the looking-glass self was originated by Charles Horton Cooley in 1902. According to Cooley, there are three major components to the looking glass self. First we imagine how we look/act to others, then we imagine the judgment of that appearance/action, and finally we develop our self through the judgments of those around us (Lumen Learning, n.d.)
The “looking-glass self” theory is something that occurs when you understand who you are based on who you interact with, by them “reflecting” how we act back to us. According to Cooley, we develop our concept of self by observing how we are perceived by those around us. This process, particularly when applied to the age of social media, raises suspicions about the nature of identity, socialization, and the changing landscape of self (Lesley University, n.d.). Comparing ourselves to others is a natural occurrence, that in most cases is unintended. We want to see ourselves in the same way that those around us do, but that can only happen if we start focusing on the aspects of ourselves that we don’t like.
Now, nobody wants to point out their own flaws, but sometimes we have to in order to overcome them. When it comes to my personal flaws, I would say that I have a severe tendency to not let loose and plan every possible situation. I tend to control every situation because I don’t like uncertainty and spontaneity. To make it sound less bad, I always say that I am cautious and prepared, and always do that right thing. Through much research, I have found that the enneagram is a great to way discover who you are and how you are perceived by others. After taking the in depth test, I quickly discovered that I am an enneagram 6, otherwise known as the loyalist. In basic summary, I protect those that I love at all costs. I strive on security, safety, and organization. I do not like doing things that can lead to unexpected or dangerous outcomes.
If you asked my friends what kind of friend I am, I would assure you that they would say the “mom friend”. I used to think this was a polite way of saying that I am lame and not fun, but I’ve learned that it’s actually a great character trait to have. I am always the friend that gets called when someone is in trouble, or needs someone to rant to. I love this about myself. I love that my friends can trust me and come to me with their problems. I have learned that although my friends sometimes think that I am overly cautious and pessimistic, they also think think that I am good friend and just want to make decisions that won’t drastically impact our future in a negative light.
Having my friend’s view me as the mom friend is something that I cherish and strive to be everyday. While I view my controlling demeanor and excessive safety precautions as annoying, my friends don’t even consider it to be a bad trait of mine. This is a great example of the looking glass self.
Lesley.edu. Perception Is Reality: The Looking-Glass Self. (n.d.). Retrieved September 21, 2020, from https://lesley.edu/article/perception-is-reality-the-looking-glass-self.
Lumen Learning (n.d.). Boundless Sociology. Retrieved September 21, 2020, from https://courses.lumenlearning.com/boundless-sociology/chapter/theories-of-socialization/