Conflict: Can’t Live With It, Can’t Live Without It.
Conflict. I don’t know about you, but that word sends shivers down my spine. I am an extreme people pleaser, so anytime someone disagrees I break out in hives (literally). While conflict makes me uncomfortable, I know that it is a necessary part of the way we communicate with others. According to Merriam-Webster, there are three different definitions of the word conflict: 1. competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action, 2. mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands, 3. the opposition of persons or forces that gives rise to the dramatic action in a drama or fiction.
While conflict is commonly portrayed in a negative light, there are multiple studies that show conflict is a crucial part of effective communication. You may be asking yourself, “how can conflict be positive when it comes to communication?”, well I have the answer! When we work through conflict in a positive way, we learn more about ourselves and the person in which we have the conflict with. Conflict can potentially lead us to find a better outcome to the issue at hand, than initially planned. Constructive conflict management can also help stop small problems from turning into large ones. Simply addressing the confrontation when it first arises can relieve frustration early on, rather than allowing it to build.
Unfortunately, not all outcomes end well. A little over a year ago, I was stuck in the middle of a fight with some of my really close girlfriends. Honestly, the whole situation could’ve been avoided if one of the girls would’ve been a better communicator. The whole issue started over a text. Yes, you read that correctly. A TEXT. I mean are you shocked? We are girls in our 20’s. (insert eye roll). Anyway, conflict arose between two of the girls, leaving me and my other friend stuck in the middle. The girl who started the conflict immediately wanted us to pick sides, naturally I just stayed out of it. I am always the moderator. I don’t pick sides, even if I agree with one more than the other. I’ve learned that it is good to hear all sides before chiming in. Long story short, the fight did not end in the way that we had hoped, but I can honestly say that it needed to end the way that it did.
As mentioned earlier, conflict can be a positive thing for a relationship, when the management of the conflict is consistent. If my friends and I would’ve taken the time to see everyone’s perspective, we potentially still all be friends. The two girls decided that yelling and saying rude things about each other was easier than communicating in an effective way. Ultimately leaving me and my other friend very uncomfortable. Obviously, if you have good conflict management techniques, the chance of this happening is much less.
